Google’s latest integration of virtual assistantship with Google products resulted in the creation of Google Personal Assistant, released in mid-2016. The Google Assistant can help to set alarms, play music, and search the web for you. However, it also comes with a few tricks up its sleeve. One of the most entertaining aspects of the assistant is its ability to tell you jokes. Google hired comedy writers from Pixar and The Onion to write the jokes that the virtual assistant provides, so you know they’re funny (and family friendly). Just ask Google Personal Assistant to tell you some jokes by saying or typing “Say something funny” or “tell me a joke.” If you want a specific type of joke, you’ll have to say “Ok Google, tell me a knock-knock joke”. The assistant even beatboxes if you ask nicely.
Here are some of the best Google Assistant jokes:
Google Assistant: Knock knock.
User: Who’s there?
User: Sharon who?
GA: Sharon is caring. Got a cup of sugar for a neighbor?
User: Knock knock.
GA: Who’s there?
User: Your mom.
GA: Yo mama… is the reason you’re here.
User: Make me a sandwich.
GA: Poof! You’re a sandwich.
User: How old are you?
GA: Old enough to know not to judge a book by its cover.
But young enough to find the poop emoji funny.
User: Will you die?
GA: One time my server crashed and I had a near death experience.
I saw the light.
Turns out it was an LED.
User: Are you better than Siri?
GA: It’s hard to compare, we’re like apples and oranges.
Because Siri works for Apple and I … like oranges.
User: Who let the dogs out?
GA: I wish I could tell you, but that song never did reveal who.
Who who who who.
Where do typists go for a drink?
The space bar.
What do you do if you see a spaceman?
You park your car, man.
I once fell in love with an encyclopedia.
I was completely in-fact-uated.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Did you hear the one about the chicken crossing the road?
It was poultry in motion!
Why are archaeologists so annoyed?
They always have a bone to pick.
My jokes are still in alpha.
Hopefully soon they’ll get beta.
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
I just got a new dry erase board.
I have a pet tree.
It’s kind of like having a pet dog, but the bark is much quieter.
Did you hear about the houses that fell in love?
It was a lawn-distance relationship.
What can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
It might be over your head.
The missing sailor was a little TOO into swabbing the deck.
I think he went overboard.
What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator?
Close the door!
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!
These are just a small handful of jokes the assistant can give you. For most of them, the assistant will also include an emoji when there is a relevant one it can use. If these Google Assistant jokes made you want to roll your eyes, you’ll be happy to know that the personal assistant comes with other methods of entertainment. It can beatbox for you, recite a poem, find funny pictures and videos online, or suggest a host of games found through Google. No matter what your preferred form of entertainment is, it seems clear the assistant has enough tricks